Thursday, February 18, 2010

Doing The Right Thing

The heart beat at my feet!!!! Has left me today. We fought the fight but, we couldn't win this war. Our precious Reba rallied for about a week & I thought the worst was behind us. But, lab work came back with other stories on Monday (the CPL had skyrocketed from 239 to 499). It's not confirmed but, the big C word was suspect. The pancreas would not heal & she just slipped away day by day until all she had been was gone. And what was left in the wake was a thin, frail, weak, beautiful girl that shook with pain & looked at me with searching eyes. It broke my heart but, I had to do the right thing & let her go so as not to suffer anymore. What is left is house shouting with quiet... a rug next to my bed that will never hold my precious friend, a food bowl half full of uneaten food & enough pain to make me want to crumble into a million pieces. I tell you that today I lost my best friend. The one that loved me no matter what. I'm sorry baby girl! I loved you well & you loved me back. Wait for me in that beautiful place of promise. Watch over me & know that I loved you true.
Yes, Pat you were right that glow must have been a heavenly glow & I just thought it was the light reflecting on the snow. Silly me! Rest in peace precious!

44 comments:

Cami @ Creating Myself said...

Oh Charlene...I am so very, very sorry! I lost my beloved Gizzy last April & still get sucker punched in the heart by t houghts of him. I feel your pain so much that I am crying along w/ you. It's so hard, isn't it? I will tell you that the best thing I did for msylef was to get another puppy right away. It won't replace Reba (she can't be replaced) but it can replace the grief & enormous sense of loss you feel w/ happiness & love. Rudy is as different from Gizzy as night from day (he's not even truly my dog, he's everybody's dog) but I love him w/ all my heart & he has been a Godsend in dealing w/ my grief. Don;t get me wrong, I still hurt deeply over the loss of Giz & think of him often but I don't feel enveloped by grief & sorrow & I thought I was going to feel that way for a very long time. my heart breaks for you, my friend.

Really Rainey said...

I write this with tears in my eyes... I also loved Reba from afar, I remember seeing her on your blog and commenting (Wiping tears with a soft tissue) how beautiful she is and that I have a Sheltie/Corgi myself who is also my best friend. I felt the connection to you and Reba right away. I'm so sorry and it frightens me a bit to think that my day will come that I will have to say goodbye to Gadget. You are in my prayers.

Love and Light
~Rainey~

SharDon Exclusives said...

Charlene, there are no words to say except I am truly sorry for your loss. I know you will miss your baby. I hurt for you because I will be dealing with the same thing in a short time.
Blessings dear one, again I am so very sorry at your loss.
Sharon

Jamie said...

Oh, Charlene. I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear sweet Reba. Gentle thoughts to you Friend. Love, Jamie

Sandy Navarro said...

Sweet Charlene, I'm so sorry you lost your baby. Our pets truly are a part of our family. Unconditional love is such a powerful thing. I had 2 cats that lived to be 19 and even though I knew it was what was best for them, it broke my heart to make the decision. I love the glow in Reba's photo and what a lovely way to remember her and the love you shared. Take care.

LuLu Kellogg said...

Dearest Charlene~

My heart is breaking for you right now and I have tears in my eyes. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Love,
LuLu

Pat @ My Tattered Elegance said...

Charlene, I am sooooo sorry, I loved that little girl too. Maybe that glow was the angels staying with her during the last pain. She won't suffer now. And she gave you all of her unconditional love for many years and she will always be in your heart. Memories are wonderful things in our time of grief. We will grieve together, I lost mother 2years ago this coming Sunday. It's hard, but they are in a better place than we are. And we will see them again. So hang in there and stay busy. Let our prayers help heal your broken heart.
Love you,
Pat

craftymarta said...

Charlene, i'm soo sorry. i know how much you and your honey love Ms Reba. I hope you find comfort in the fact that you love her and she loved you guys back. I believe there is a dog heaven and she will surely be in it: I know is not biblical but I do not know of other beings that love so unselfishly. Blessings, Marta.

Blondie's Journal said...

Oh, I just feel so bad, Charlene. Our pets truly are our babies, friends, companions, and they live such short lives. My heart goes out to you but the grief will subside. You are strong. It just takes awhile. I'll always cherish your sweet pictures of Reba on your blog. I'll be thinking of you, my friend..

xoxo
Janie

Mona @ la la by mona said...

Oh Charlene, I'm am so saddened to hear this. Bless you sweetie - I can only imagine how difficult that was for you. May God wrap you in comfort and help your hurting heart.

Big, big hugs - Mona

Karen Valentine said...

Oh dear Charlene I am soooo sorry. I know how very hard that is. I wish I could give you a big hug and tell you everything is okay but I'm afraid we would probably just wind up balling on each others shoulders! I think you remember last summer when we made the same decision with out Golden Harley. It was a horrible time, but now it doesn't hurt anymore and we remember him with love in our hearts. Please know that I am thinking about you and will pray for you and your family to heal quickly. I truly believe we get to be with our beloved pets in heaven, so I know you will see her again someday.

love to you,
Karen

Lori Lamb said...

I stumbled upon your beautiful blog this evening and I cannot tell you how my heart aches for you. I've lost many fur-babies and cried my own river of tears. It never gets easier to let them go, but this much I know for sure; the unconditional love our furry friends give us is the greatest love we will know on earth. In my heart I know I will be reunited with Chili, Angel and Star.

And so you will be reunited with your sweet Reba. You showed her the ultimate love and respect by not allowing her suffering to continue. And though your heart is breaking with the loss, rest sure in the knowledge that Reba is free from pain now, and waiting for the happy day when you call her to your side once more.

May God be with you and comfort you now and always.

Lori

Sandy said...

This is my first visit to your blog and my heart goes out to you in the loss of your beloved Reba. I know that grief and pain you are going through. My hubby and I loss our dog, Dusty (German Shepherd) to bone cancer in 1987. We still miss him to this day. It happened so sudden just two weeks before we were moving into a new home and could finally bring him home from the kennel. Our builder took so long to build our home we had to live out of apartments and put our dog in the kennel while we waited. I hated that builder so much that he took time away from us that we could have spent with our Dusty. Our pets become such a part of our family and lives. Like you we didn't want our dog to suffer and had to put him down. It's an awful decision to make and an awful time but we didn't want him to be in pain anymore since his cancer had spread so badly there wasn't anything they could do for him. Your beautiful Reba knew how much you loved her.

Teacup Lane (Sandy)

Lori Katies Rose Cottage said...

Ohhh Charlene I am sooo very sorry ! I am sitting here with a huge huge lump in my throat and tears streaming down my face ~
I adore my 2 puppies so very much ~ Our oldest is Katie who my website is named after and we just got a new puppy in May ~
I will pray for you precious friend ~
xoxo
Lori

Jessica said...

I'm so sorry, Charlene. I'm sending many hugs your way.

diane said...

Charlene...my heart is aching so hard as I read this. I am sooo sorry, my friend. I know that is all I can say....

FILIGREE MOON said...

Oh, Charlene, I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs, Angela

Me....bunny said...

Oh Charlene,

I am reading this while tears are streaming down my face. I know the feeling as I too had to put down a pet about 3 years ago....It's hard, very hard my friend. But remember this, she had a beautiful life and a beautiful family that made her happy and content and you will see her again...take care (((HUG))))

bunny

Sharon said...

Charlene I read your post about your little girl and cried istanly, see I too lost my best friend on New Years Eve and I am still very sad...sometimes I just don't know what to do...my thoughts are with you...know that i know the pain you are going thru and you are not alone....

Bunny Jeans Decor... and More! said...

Yes, Charlene, it is very hard to make that final decision. Don't second guess yourself. Your dear Reba is at peace, and she had felt loved.

I also had to let my dear Chester go. He had health issues for many years. But he always let me know he wanted to live. The last time was different. He too got that distant look. I would have kept going as long as he wanted to... I will never stop loving him.

I have a picture of him on my sidebar, taken one year before his death. He was a beautiful, strong, and very proud dog. He had heart.

Take care,
Bunny Jean

DeeDee said...

Oh Charlene.....my heart crys with you...such a precious girl for ever in your heart...my eyes are teared for the day we all fear ...the lose of the dearest of friends....I will keep my prayers for your heart to heal...and only the best memories live on...

wish I could hug you even know we have not yet met...for this day is hard to face alone...

I am a furbaby lover, and I feel your hearts pain with you...continued prayers for you my friend...

hugs
DeeDee

Char said...

I'm desperately sorry to hear that Reba is no longer with you. It is nice to hear that she is no longer suffering though. Watching her suffer is a far greater heart break than releasing her from her pain.
I'm sorry for your loss.

Charmaine

Violet said...

Charlene. I know how it feels. Oh do I know how it feels!!! I have been there. Three times in the past 8 years. The grief is staggering. The empty house. Reminders everywhere. Yet I realize that the 'babies' I have now and love so tremendously, would never be here in my heart and life if my other dogs had not gone on. For me, getting another dog to love was the answer. I do remember though, looking at my new little puppy, and thinking, you are cute, but you aren't "Rocky" (my sheltie)... no feelings of love at first. Of course taking care of a puppy got me so busy ~ which helped a lot! ~ and then that little pup began to entwine herself into my heart.

I am so sorry for your loss, it is such a sad time. Our doggies are such a huge part of our daily lives, and those who don't have pets could never understand the grief we experience that is so overwhelming.

Charlene, please email me ~ Violet@VioletSkiles.com I would like to have you send me some photos of your sweet Reba so I can do a little art piece of her for you. If you would like that. A gift to you from me. God Bless you and keep you... ~ Violet

Alisa said...

Oh, Charlene, my heart goes out to you! I'm so sorry.

starsfault said...

Charlene ~ So sad to lose such a beautiful, sweet best friend. A week+ later, I find myself still looking for Star, caught off guard by old patterns and habits that I do instinctively, only to find Star isn't there anymore. While the tears have stopped, the empty feeling hasn't. The other two kitties have been waundering all over the house looking for Star, and they have become clingy and extra affectionate, seeking... and offering comfort witht he change in routine. Binx expecially is looking for her friend.

A few months before Star passed, and we knew her time was short, we contacted a most excellent breeder of Maine Coons, because I just can't inmagine living without one of these rowdy giants in my home, and will be picking up Cascade Mountains Kona Big Wave on March 5th in Vancouver, WA. We also have a kitten reserved for us from a litter expected this summer. No one will replace my precious Star, just as no new puppy would replace your dearest friend, and no new kitty would being to replace my Starry Girl, but the new presence brings joy and comfort, and in some ways is a tribute to Star's legacy of love.

Today I feel at peace, and profoundly grateful to have had Star, as she made each day of our time together right and wonderful. We are so lucky to have enjoyed their love, aren't we?

Much Love ~ Eileen (and the Most Beautiful Starry Girl)

GWENDOLYN said...

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I know a pet is just as loved and important to us as our human loved ones. I do see the heavenly glow in the picture also. My sincerest sympathies to you .
Blessings during this difficult time.
Gwen

tarnishedandtattered.blogsot.com said...

Oh Charlene,
I am crying right now for your loss. These are not dogs & cats, they are our children & we love them so. I am glad Miss Reba is not suffering anymore. It is so difficult to lose a pet. I have something I am bringing tonight for you. Hugs & Love, Lisa

Dayle said...

Charlene, this made me cry. Your baby looks so much like our Princess. She's been gone 7 years now and I still miss her precious face and sweet spirit. It's so hard to let them go.

abbymaya said...

So sorry for your loss.

Allie said...

Charlene........my heart aches for you! There are tears in my eyes. Our pets fill a special place in our heart and the pain that is there when they pass on is unbearable. May angels wrap their wings of peace and comfort around you as you go through this.
~Allie

Marilyn said...

I found your blog from another & saw you lost your fur-baby. I too have walked this horrible path & you have my heartfelt love & prayers to find some sort of peace. I am not going to tell you she is in a better place because her place was with you.
We love our furbabies......
Love,
Marilyn
xxoo

Paula said...

Oh Charlene I'm so sorry. My eyes are filling up as my heart is breaking for you. What a lucky girl to have you for as long as she did...I know that your love carried her through those tough times. Stay strong ...prayers coming your way:)
paula

once in a blue moon... said...

i am crying so hard i can barely see the keyboard... i know just how you feel and what joy they bring us. she was beautiful and will live in your heart forever...

i am truly so sorry for your loss... and in that same breath, go to petfinders.com right now and welcome another gentle soul into your arms. i still weep for tucker, but its nice to wrangle with the new ones too...

i am close to losing my old cat now, woke up sobbing this morn in fear, who knows how much time is left...

when its good its good, when its bad, it's heart breaking... but i wouldn't change a thing, we love them thru it all~

don't let the silence hurt you, go to petfinders and fill your house with love again... trust me, i know~

dollybelle said...

Dearest Charlene...
Sobbing while reading this. I just went thru this a month ago with my beautiful best friend shelite girl sabrina. They are such regal, gentle creatures and seeing them so ill is literally heartbreaking.
When I see you in GA in know I am going to start crying again, so prepare!
I hope you know that you were the best mom a fur baby could ever have and that there is tons of liversnaps and milk bones at the rainbow bridge!
Big big fuzzy sheltie hugs sweet charlene!
And all my sweetest blessings!
xoxo
Christine

cindy said...

Oh Charlene,
I came over to tell you how much fun it was to finally meet last night and just read your post. Oh dear gurl, tears are rolling down my face. I feel your pain, losing a fur baby hurts so much. I'm just so sorry. She was beautiful...and I know that the house is too quiet indeed. Sending thoughts and hugs your way my dear.
-c
yapping cat

T's Daily Treasures said...

I read your comment over at Dee Dee's Craft Spot and came over to give my condolences. I know how you are feeling as my childhood pet Toni was with me from the age of 2 until I was 17. We had to put her to sleep when she was 15 because of kidney failure and it was the hardest thing ever. When I came to Kuwait, I sent my Scooter to live with a friend in Dallas -- thought I would only be here a couple of years. But he wound up living with and being loved for the next 12 years with my friend and then died at the age of 15. Our pets become such a part of our hearts. I still have framed pictures of them now and still wish they could be here. Is that just way too sentimental? They just played such big roles in my life. I wish you all the best and pray that you will find peace. Many blessings, Tammy

Diana said...

Oh, Charlene....I wipe tears away as I am writing this. My heart aches for you and the loss of your sweet Reba and dear friend. Sending you hugs and prayers of peace and joy as you hold on to the unconditional love your dear friend blessed you with for so many years.
Hugs
Diana

Nan said...

Charlene you so did the right thing. It's so grueling and heart breaking I've been there more than one but it must be done. It's just not fair to keep them clinging to life that has really left them. Yes my advice is get another dog soon as you can it will take your concentration off your empty spot and give you something to focus on. We have to keep going and having more dogs to love and loose yes but we must do it. Bless you sweetie and your dear hubby who feels as bad I'm sure. Nan

Lisa said...

Oh Charlene! I am so sorry! I don't know how I missed this one. I know you are just heartbroken to put it mildly. We had a bad week at work and lost several sweet paitents.
What lovely pictures you have of your sweet girl. She loved you and you did the right thing and it is hard to let any loved one go. I do hope you start to feel better soon. Please let me know if I can do anything.

Hugs, Lisa

The French Bear said...

Charlene, I am so sorry! You poor sweetie, such a sad day!! Th is making me cry, I am so sad for you!!! I feel terrible that I have been away sick and not there for you, please forgive me.
I am positive Ms Reba will look over you from Heaven, she is not suffering any more.
Hugs my dear friend!!!
Margaret B

The Feathered Nest said...

Oh sweet Charlene. I am so, so sorry about your loss of precious Reba.....our furry friends become such important members of the family. I know your heart is hurting and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers dear friend. hugs and love across the miles, Dawn

Cindy ~ My Romantic Home said...

Charlene I'm so sorry, I couldn't even finish reading your post because my eyes were welling up with tears! I'm so happy my post yesterday helped you feel a little better!

Vicki C said...

Oh sweetie.. I have tears dripping on my desk right now. I am SO SO SOsorry for you loss.. your pain.. and hurt. I am dealing with Aly and the "C" word right now.. and it just SO SO hard. I'm sending you the biggest biggest hug and thinking of you! HUGS FROM ME!!!!

clustres said...

Charlene, I am thinking of you. I have been down this road before and know the hurt. We had to let go of our Boston Terrier several years ago. He had lymphoma at age 10 and lived a wonderful last year...we made sure he enjoyed every minute of it until the end. It still hurts, but oh, the memories of having a best friend! Pam

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